7-yr-old: "What's this, Mum?"
Mum: "Oh, blimey! Oh! Er... It's a toy. But it's broken. I need to throw it away."
[Mum puts it in the bin]
7-yr-old: "A toy? What does it do? Can I see?"
Mum: "Oh, er, no. It's broken."
7-yr-old: "Is it for poking people?"
Mum: "Um... Yes. Yes, it's a poking toy. But it's broken. And it's only for grownups."
7-yr-old: "How does it work? Does it do tickling too? Can I have a look?"
Mum: "Oh dear, this bin's full. Actually they're all full. I need to empty the bins."
[Mum empties the bin, hiding the poking toy in the process]
7-yr-old: "We're making milkshakes."
Mum: "Oh, really?"
7-yr-old: "Yes, look. We're using your toy! Did you know it vibrates?"
Mum: "Oh dear."
Mum: "Yes, I see. Er. Um. Now... You see, I was going to talk to you about this. The thing is..."
[whirr, whirr, splish, splish]
Mum: "You know how I have periods?"
7-yr-old: [silent] [all whirring has ceased]
Mum: "You know, once a month, when the lining of my womb, where babies grow..."
Mum: "It sheds. And sometimes I have to plug it up..."
Mum: "...so I told him it was some kind of vaginal stopper."
Mum: "Do you think I went too far? Is that too close to the truth?"
Dad: "Or maybe just close enough."
7-yr-old: "I found my mum's plug."
7-yr-old's friend's mum: "Oh, really? What kind of plug?"
7-yr-old: "Well, it's white and it keeps the blood in."
Mum: "Ah, I see."
Out with the Old
1 day ago