Monday, 21 September 2009

Split Life

This afternoon, I'm experiencing an unexpected break in my Hectic New Life. I had a weird 12-hour illness yesterday which sent me straight to bed without passing Go, and although I managed to get myself to work today, I've had to accept I wasn't capable of much else, so instead of the usual Get a Million Things Done In All Spare Moments attitude, I'm chilling out and catching up on the internet. Which means getting to really savour not only Mike (Troubled Diva)'s posts about his stint on the Trafalgar Square plinth last week, but watching / listening to the whole thing while simultaneously writing a blog post. Seriously though, you should watch him. It's inspirational. It's made me both grin (very widely) and cry.

But what about my Hectic New Life, I hear you cry? Well. It's pretty brilliant, actually. Hard-ish, but nowhere near as hard as it's going to be later in the year. It's great to be getting out of the house every day, to have a structure and purpose to my life again. I really don't think I'm suited to the freelance life, cerrtainly not when it mostly consists to being on my own at my desk. The weird thing is that I always knew this, and never attempted to send my life down that route, always preferring to have a job and stating very confidently that I wouldn't enjoy being self-employed. What can I say? I was probably right. And, just in case any of you out there are contemplating it... I do think that it's a particularly bad idea to set yourself up as a freelance immediately after having a baby. It seems as though it would make sense, but really it doesn't. After childbirth you need to get up, get out, move on - not hang around at home. But anyway. Lesson learnt.

And the new career... arrrgh. I know it's sensible not to write about it in public. I know that in the long run - or even the short - I could get myself into trouble. I also know that for similar reasons it was the right decision to keep quiet about being a novelist when chatting to new colleagues. But it's so odd. I've split myself in two. And yes, I feel negatively abotu my writing career at the moment, but it's not a healthy negativity and shouldn't be encouraged. But this business of not even telling people about it just reinforces all those negative feelings. It's a part of who I am. An important part. It's not good to have to bury it like this. When people ask what I've done up to now, I tell them I was a software engineer for twelve years, then took a couple of years out to have a baby. When people express surprise at my ability to write many words fast, I can't explain the one big reason why I'm well qualified to do just that. And here, where I can talk about being a writer... I can't talk about the new career. Even though it's dead interesting and I've proud of it (which is also how I feel about the writing, on good days)... well. Argh.

I keep toying with the idea of making this blog private, or starting a new completely anonymous blog, but either one of those could easily backfire, and anyway I don't really have time for blogging much any more.

Oh well.

Mike is still boogeying in the background, but I'll have to pause him now while I walk the dogs. Hmm. Pausing two separate things simultaneously: Not really possible. Never mind, will create an interesting phase shift on resumption. I have to see that water bottle moment!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately, but apparently blogging is dead anyway so I guess it doesn't matter! :O) Everybody else is Twittering and Facebooking and Spotifying and YouTubeing and all that other stuff I never have time for. I'm such a dinosaur.

This was a very floppy blog post. Everybody do a Floppy Dog Dance in tribute.

10 comments:

B said...

I'm glad you're enjoying the new job. But yeah, it must be difficult keeping it to yourself.

What if someone from your new work googles you? Isn't that sure to happen sooner or later?

mike said...

Did you see the water bottle moment?

aka k said...

so you're not a meter maid then?

Debi said...

I know a place where you can talk about both. Don't be a stranger!

JoeinVegas said...

I thought this was your new anonymous blog.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

It's only semi-anonymous, Joe. If it were truly anonymous you wouldn't know who I was. But you do, so it can hardly be called anonymous, can it?

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

"What if someone from your new work googles you? Isn't that sure to happen sooner or later?"

How often do you Google your colleagues? It's not something I've ever done!

But anyway, that's the whole point. That's why this blog is anonymous. So if anyone Googles me, what they find will be mostly innocuous. I can't keep my writing a total secret, but then again I don't want to draw attention to it either. And sadly there's a good chance nobody will ever know about it.

B said...

i google people i know when i'm bored. from what you've said, i would have thought that you'll be in an industry where people get bored and google (in the evenings if not at work). (although i will say, i google less at this job than i have in previous jobs where i've worked with younger people more inclined to have a web presence... god i'm so sad)

i do get that this is your anon blog - but you're talking about how you don't really want your colleagues to know about your writing career - and if you google you you find all the, err, nuts from your previous career.

just curious, really. don't mind me :)

hilaryusfun said...

* floppy dog dance *

I have only just met you - via the lovely Queenie - and just wanted to say its your blog to do with what you wish, which you already know, of course. It would be a shame to stop one and start another?

And blogging? Not Dead. Tho as I'm the least cool person ever, this isn't a huge endorsement...

bedshaped said...

I can't do a floppy dog dance, but I'm told I can do wicked robot. Go 80's!